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June 3, 2009

CLICK here to read the entire Sports Illustrated article | Online Version

In her second comeback as a pro, former Tennessee Volunteer Chamique Holdsclaw is as confident and relaxed as she's been since her rookie season 10 years ago. To say that Holdsclaw has returned from the depths of despair would be an understatement. SI senior writer Kelli Anderson sat down with Holdsclaw--entering the first year of a three-year deal with the Atlanta Dream--as she reveals, for the first time, how her crippling depression almost led to her taking her own life. The article "Happy in Her World" is attached as a pdf document and is also copied below.

Anderson writes: "Most who follow the WNBA are aware that depression caused Holdsclaw to withdraw from the league, but only a few close friends understand how deeply she despaired.... In June 2006 she had suicidal thoughts that led to an overdose of a prescribed antidepressant, the low point she had not talked about in detail until a few weeks ago. For now, though, her head is clear again. She wants back on the court."

Anderson revisits the night that Holdsclaw nearly died. During a phone conversation with a friend, Holdsclaw expressed a desire to "be at peace with my grandmother" (who had passed four years earlier) while staring at a bottle of her antidepressant medication, Wellbutrin XL: "By the time the friend arrived, Holdsclaw had swallowed 10 or 11 Wellbutrins. The friend took her to a hospital. What followed that night comes back to Holdsclaw in chaotic vignettes: being forced to drink activated charcoal; vomiting repeatedly; crying hysterically because she was hallucinating that a cowboy with a lasso was chasing her. `I felt like I was going to die,' she says. `It was the worst night of my life.' Holdsclaw remained hospitalized for a few days. The only [Los Angeles Sparks] teammate who knew she was there was her good friend Murriel Page, and Holdsclaw told her she was suffering from dehydration. The few who did know about the overdose chastised her. `They told me how stupid I had been, how anything could have happened,' she says. `I vowed to myself: I can never let this happen again.' "